Dating and physical chemistry
If you do not notice any of these feelings or they are very minimal, you more likely just see this person as a friend and probably need to keep looking for another to be in a relationship with.
True chemistry is usually apparent immediately or pretty quickly, and only grows more when interacting and spending more time together. I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA ( practicing since 1997.
Having such a connection that you can’t wait to see the person again to the point that you can barely eat or sleep is a lot like being a teenager (fun! You might love the feeling but not really be seeing the guy behind its haze. Whether or not you try to create a spark, it certainly helps if you’re attracted to the person from the beginning — and this doesn’t mean just physically.
If you’re not blinded by chemistry when you first start dating, you can see the guy for what he really is — which is what you should be doing. When getting to know someone, if it feels like there’s absolutely no chemistry you can try your hand at creating it. Try spending time doing fun things with the person, like an adventure sport or attending an interesting class, instead of rushing to the bedroom where an awkward first encounter could make you wrongly assume there’s no chemistry. If you’ve tried lots of different things to cause a spark but you still don’t feel anything, it’s a sign to stop trying. You should find the person at least somewhat appealing, otherwise there’s no foundation from which chemistry can grow. Sometimes chemistry is there but it’s hiding because you or the guy are holding back and not revealing your true selves. So, sometimes it’s worth spending time getting to know someone on a casual basis so that you can be comfortable and give chemistry a chance to show up. The other thing about chemistry is that it can develop in time — but not if you’re watching it while holding a stopwatch.
Research has found that even if you lack physical attraction, a different part of your brain will be stimulated to help you figure out if the person’s perceived personality would still make them right for you.
Think of your brain like a wingman, telling you to take a little more time to figure someone out.
Other factors matter in relationships as well, such as conversation/communication skills, conflict resolution, listening skills, caring, consideration, empathy, education, spirituality, family background, similar interests, career/money management, parenting style, and so on.
So, when physical attraction is lacking in a marriage, so naturally too will the role of sexual intimacy as well.
In short, the marriage will suffer without this regular bonding and connection.
On the other hand, when the importance of physical chemistry is minimized or even determined to not matter, relationships can often overly feel like just "friends" and a "brother/sister" situation, which is a different problem as well. Condie adds to that quote, "In essence, physical intimacy within the proper bonds of marriage can and should become a spiritually bonding force within marriage." (Ensign, July 1986).
An intimate/sexual relationship is important agent to bond and to stay bonded together in a marriage. Kimball has said, “We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sexual experience between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation of children.” (Ensign, Oct. So, sexual intimacy in marriage is important because not only as an avenue of procreation, but as a powerful agent to regularly reconnect and strengthen marriages.
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After a bit more time of getting to know someone and peeling back their layers, you might go, “Wow, he took my breath away! Much like happiness, it will happen in such a way that you’ll be thrown off guard.